The Longside Reference

                       
             THAT WAS THE MONTH THAT WAS (October2008)

Were you deeply touched by the Ernie Cooksey tribute a few weeks ago and the truly amazing people are who spending the whole of this season remembering him? He was a young Oldham footballer who died at the age of 28. Sometimes things happen that put all our grumbles into perspective and even Syd puts his moans and groans on one side. Their flag was on show at the Burnley v Oldham Cup game and this flag will be taken to every ground where Oldham travel this season.

THE MANIC TWO DAYS at the end of August and the beginning of September has to be the craziest thing I have ever seen in football. We all know that Newcastle United is now one of the great soaps of the football world but even by their standards they surpassed themselves. The writing was on the wall for King Kev as soon as Denis Wise was appointed as Director of Football. Just what the connection between the two of them was, is anyone’s guess. That plus the lager and ale swilling, or champagne, depending on what rag you read, antics of the chairman means that this is not a football club this is now just a circus. To be a die-hard, long-serving supporter of this once proud club must be heart-breaking.
    King Kev’s walk-out, plus Curbishley’s at West Ham is symptomatic now of the lack of real power of the manager of many Premier clubs where big business, and super-rich chairmen hold the power. Players are bought and sold behind the manager’s back; on any morning they might well find they have a new player they know nothing about. Brian Clough forecast all this years ago.
     All that, plus the sudden takeover of Man City, a place that Stuart Hall has always referred to as the Theatre of Base Comedy, and now funded by Arab oil millions, just took the breathe away. Suddenly they buy Robinho from Real Madrid for some astronomical sum as a statement of intent, a player who still has much to prove, not the least of which is his mental and emotional stability. Mark Hughes must think its Christmas… although owld on a minute… will he really be the boss there now… or will he find he is just a puppet while his new masters from Dubai pull all the strings and fill the place with their favourite superstars.
     They still lost at Brighton though in the Carling Cup prompting one supporter to say that we might have millions to spend now, but we’re still the same old Man City.
     As each morning went by I sat gawping at the back pages almost in shock at all these goings-on. Eventually hit by fan demonstrations and banners Newcastle Chairman Mike Ashley announced he would sell – yet still in his statement he defended the London-based Wise.
    When Joe Kinnear was appointed temporary manager, a number of thoughts flashed up, not the first of which where on earth have they dredged him up from. No-one has heard of him for ages or even knew where he was. I’m writing when Newcastle have just lost their fifth successive game. I used to think being a Burnley supporter was bad, but…

ENGLAND! At first I thought we are so lucky (you may not agree) that lots of England games are now on Setanta, the pay channel that nobody watches. A dreadful game against Czechoslovakia with a fortunate 2 – 2 draw and a Capello system that few people understand. He spent 6 months choosing his captain for Capelloland and comes up with Terry. Does anybody really care one jot? In August I fancied that England will NOT qualify for the final stages of whatever it is next… tell you summat for nowt…  at that point I didn’t even know or care if it’s the European Championships or World Cup next.   
     Against Andorra we had Lescott, Johnson, Downing, Walcott, and Defoe in the starting line-up. Dear God these are just bog-standard average, run-of-the-mill players and it is beyond my comprehension that they are now considered England international class. We are scraping the barrel.  
     Andorra 0 England 2… but this was unconvincing stuff.
     And then off they went to Croatia and won brilliantly. I am as fickle as the next man. I want to watch England, I am an England fan, and I want to subscribe to Setanta. 

I am a football nut and as a general rule politics, and world events, hardly trouble me (except for the price of bread and gas going up and up). But, a pal showed me a Bradford website and it was just when Russia had threatened to nuke Poland as part of this Georgia fracas. In short, Europe for a few moments was faced with obliteration.
     “Just our bloody luck” wrote a Bradford fan on the messageboard. “We have our best team for yonks, promotion looks a cert, and now this happens.”

WHATS HAPPENING WITH THE NEW GROUND PLANS? I read Fletch’s update on the club website and tried to make some sense of it. The word ‘spin’ kept occurring. Procrastination was another.   The plans have been pruned by £5million, planning applications are on hold, there may be delays, nothing will happen anywhere yet, this will take more time, grants are being sought (a good plan if this is to be a community facility)… and the thought grows that something much, much less grandiose is on the cards, if indeed it happens at all. When these plans were first announced no-one could have known that words like recession and credit-crunch were but months away. That, to be fair, was bad luck. But where are we exactly… first plans were for £20million… then up they went to £30million… now down to £25million… in Plan ‘A’ we would have been seeing the new dressing rooms going up as I write. Everything seems a long, long away… I am preparing myself for the next update and eventual announcement that they are on hold permanently until the economic climate improves.

I HEARD A GOOD STORY the other day and it was that everybody at the club has been put on red alert to raise more cash. The most novel instruction has been to find players with long names so that when they are added to the back of a shirt it pulls more money in per letter. Thus, the hunt is on for long named players… and we have found one… Theo Fairweather-Johnson. He scored a brace in his reserve trial game. We may have found a new cash cow if we take him on from Fisher Athletic permanently. Players with short names are not needed.

AND ANOTHER STORY doing the rounds is that the parachute brigade was organised by Modus – nowt wrong with that, but now the club are charging Modus £50,000 for the cost of extra time for the police and stewards who had to work extra because of the delay. Don’t forget the roof repairs as well Barry.

WE ARE LOOKING FOR ARAB INVESTMENT. This is now no secret; we are looking at all global possibilities and global links. ‘Global’ is the new buzzword. I heard we are however in talks with His Royal Highness Sheik Yer Handi the Sultana of Dobuy. Apparently this news was in Oil Monthly. Reactions were mixed to the news, ranging from we have to investigate all possibilities and cast aside all narrow-minded allegiance to tradition; to, I hate all new possibilities and want to protect old traditions including whippets and cloth caps and the last thing I want see parked outsidu my local is a camel. The idea, however, of any wealthy Arab oil billionaire being interested in Burnley, if and when he sees the place on a wet, foggy, Tuesday night in February, seems remote. Does this mean that someday we shall be looking at a couple of Arab players? That’s ok as long as they’re not complete Shiite.

BOY DID WE OUTPLAY BLACKPOOL: The team consisted of square pegs slotting nicely into square holes and it showed. Everyone fitted in perfectly. With Eagles unavailable it was back to what works best. How then do we make space for Eagles without disrupting things? It’s leave him on the bench or drop Elliot or Paterson – and how do you do that after the Blackpool display? I have never seen such a one-sided game apart from a brief Blackpool flurry early in the second half. There wasn’t a weakness in the side – and then to bring a player like Blake on for the last ten minutes was the icing on the cake. McMann and McDonald could be the best midfield pairing since O Neil and Harris if they continue like this. They were awesome and big powerful lads too. Paterson was outstanding. In Thompson at last we have a header of the ball, the first since Gareth Taylor. Alexander has a new lease of life in midfield.

I GO RIGHT BACK TO THE FIFTIES and remember when all we went to Turf Moor for was the football, muddy pitches, murky nights, attacking football, maybe a brass band at Christmas. Now after the PNE game the club will be handing out condoms on behalf of The Condom Collective. It sounds like a pop group. These will be for young people and aimed at better education and preventing sexually transmitted diseases. Hey, what about us pensioners though? I feel left out and the long hand of discrimination is waving its fist at me. Can you believe they will come in a Burnley FC branded envelope and the condom itself will be coloured claret. Have you ever heard anything like it? Bob Lord would turn in his grave. Will we see the people giving out these things dressed up as condoms? Will there be a display at half time? What an age we live in, what an awful world we have created. At least there won’t be condom logos on the players’ shirts… or will there? Jeff Stelling on Sky Sports will have a field day when he gets to hear.   

IS THERE A WORSE FEELING than winning a game 1 – 0 up until the 90th minute, in this case the last minute of added time in fact, and giving a goal away, and suddenly the whistle goes and it’s a 1 – 1 draw. I think I’d rather lose badly and feel depressed, rather than lose a 1 – 0 lead right at the very end, and feel depressed. There’s something about it that’s even worse than a defeat. It’s a funny game innit? To be losing 0 – 1 and snatch a last minute draw and we are over the moon. Come away with a 1 – 1 draw like we did against Swansea and it doesn’t feel like one point gained, its two points lost. Bloody Burnley I stomped round the house saying, bloody Burnley. In the space of a minute we dropped from 8th on 11 points to 13th on 9 points. Bloody Burnley; it would be better for my blood pressure and temper if I took up fishing.

I MUST LOOK YOUNGER THAN I FEEL: I was handed a condom on the way out of the PNE game and it is now on the shelf next to my collection of Burnley mugs. At my age to be handed a free condom is a great boost to morale. Mrs Pensioner looked aghast and told me not to think about using it, she had a headache. That plus the enthralling win over Preston sent me home with my head in a spin. It was game with everything – great goals, a sending-off, good football, action and tension. It’s funny now watching the squabbling on Claretsmad prompted by those who see the team still as Cotterill’s team, consisting in the main of his signings and ipso facto any wins now are to SC’s credit not OC’s. They seem to forget and miss out of their arguments that these same players under SC took us on a club record winless run.
     A condom in my pocket, and by the end of the month up in the heady heights of the top six in fourth place. Who could possibly have predicted that after the first two games with one goal scored and seven conceded. There is a spring in my step and a glint in my eye as we approach October.

I SEE THERE’S A GREAT LINE-UP OF STARS at the No Nay Never dinner on October 11th, Jimmy McIlroy, Frank Casper, Colin Waldron, Jimmy Robson, Martin Dobson, Ian Brennan, Roger Eli, Super Johnny Francis. Andy Lochhead, Jim Thomson, and Ray Pointer. Plus there is star turn Steve Kindon. Sounds like a good night out to me in the James Hargreaves.

Claret Pensioner September 2008